who I felt had the humanity sucked out of him

by all appearances he looked normal, healthy even.

In a lot of ways he was admirable, in his mannerisms. For example:

& he ate hartilly and tried to share with everyone.

He was always calculating, trying to catch me in something

the kind of guy, knowing, even if I get out of his trap 40 times

that 41st might get me.

& it was day 30 of my fast.

& we had to dig out a pipe.

& dude says some really gay shit. & I shoul've appealed to my boss, come on lets all do the digging

and you can protect me from this "hoto"

instead I said, I don't want to work with this "" & just went off to help with other stuff.

& this is the part, I feel the need to clarify. I used to think I was really good at labor.

& lately have been coming to find, my mind hates concentrating on even simple tasks for 8 hours

. However, digging, is where I unconditionally shine. My ancestors, must've partaken in quite a bit

I feel I'm naturally inclined to it, like when I 1st picked up a sickle maybe 7 years ago.

& even though I was fasting, my body had gotten used to it & I was even getting faster then before.

I was thoroughly prepared to dig..

However, what I was not going to allow someone to do:

is putting some shit in my head that I don't want in there.

I don't care if you're gay or straight

I will not put up with that at work or in a casual setting.

Some might say, oh that's just guys being guys..

No, that's guys being gay, I don't mind if they are

so long as it doesn't apply to me.

Though I let down Alex in the process, who was probably my favorite friend.

I've met at work, even though we might've not technically been friends.

He was a young guy, who had the wisdom of an older person,

He'd driver everywhere as fast as possible and race everyone but not in a stupid way.. I don't know how to explain it. It's just something some people do. & he was on the borderline, he was considering going the satanic way...

Though I felt, he respected me for the being sincere and funny.

Speed had helped him get a hot girl friend with the "pinkest nipples"

but he didn't use it at work or at all, matter of fact didn't even drink coffee.

& thus still acted with soul.

While our other co worker, had been hoping for a chance to turn what I thought were

noble efforts to work and make due for myself into a way that he could justify hurting me.

& I fell short, I could've gone about things differently.

I accepted preferential treatment and it messed up the morale in my co workers

I didn't fully embrace the me I wanted to exude.

So I ended up leaving them to dig all day and Alex was throwing up

& they said they played paper scissors rock to who would poke me in the butt.

I don't remember how I let him get behind me in the 1st place.

I guess I was slipping, and dude jabbed me with his fingers.

I was in shock, my first impulse was to swing at hi with my shovel..

Though I hesitated, an all out brawl could ensue with shovels.

& I'm at my weakest.

They didn't come back to work & then I quit

For like 2 days I was so angry.

I wanted vengeance & was consumed

& I thought of her & how she would foreshadow awful things and then

get them to play out...

It's like she didn't even notice, she was intentionally pushing me away, for the goal hurting me.

It's like the sexiest thing you can do , is destroy the good thing in your life.

I was stuck in fantasy land.. Like just thinking about the stuff that I didn't want to happren was enough.

I surmise: All that has to go before anyone starts a family. The chance of breaking it up due to a lusty move. Is not fair to a child.. & some people say, oh children are difficult, you can't expect to never let them down.. Nope, then don't have children.. I know we don't have good examples... Those that set precident: We had dude that's on his what 4th wife, is a known pimp etc. or the other guy,son, never had a job, just put him on some board... Smokes crack, spends daddy's money on whores.. By all means, the democratic party could find no better example of true leadership. there was tact involved, he would say don't get all butthurt about it way before he did it.

Implying that the whole time, he was just hoping that he could do something, that I'd hate him for the rest of my life.

Satanic people seem to get their kicks in such a manner. They've been hurt before & by joining with satan ensure

that they will no longer get hurt and instead, do the hurting. & of course it's not a fair trade, it'll never work out like it's supposed to

. Though Antonio, told me the story of how it happened.. There was a point he was even religious and then was betrayed & found out

that they were liars.

The same ones preaching good, were actually using it to do evil. So he went with Satan because at lease he's more honest.

& evil Churches, really do make more satanic coverts then anyone else..

When I was in Highland Park I was invited to Church & considered giving them the hundred I had just made & afterwords

met Felicia, who was kind of thick & had green eyes.

& she affirmed my hesitation by saying..

How could you give it to the Church when them's the worst ones.

& as I understand it, in a lot of places. A large united community

Uses that power for largely selfish interests rather then ethical.

When there's not a lot to go around, people turn to what they can get.

War time mentality. Old man came & got her and was sore as hell she had spent her money "drinking" with me

I had the choice, to take responsibility of F and possibly fight for her.

She had these great eyes and my body craved her,(not needed her) which is a rare feeling for me, I find.

I pictured explaining to my mom, I've started a family with a whore from Detroit.

Though really what choice did she have? & I could tell everyone in the neighborhood loved' her.

For her to have lasted this long. I could tell it was somewhat of a miraculous blessing that I was unable to apply. & not too much later I'm 32 and I blew my chances to be Jr. Steinbeck

I cashed 2 checks and made preparations.

& I smoked what to me, was a lot of weed.

& I said fuck it, I'm going to repress this memory and not let him get to me.

& I was casually talking about the whole scenario and I remembered & made the connection on Friday

and I had apparently re-busted my ass at work because it hurt all over again.

Somewhere in Texas was when I noticed I noticed it.

& I was like it must be hernia or hemorrhoid

& I remembered, this dude, fucked me up for life.

As Satanists do, they seem to enjoy causing the same trauma they've experienced to others.

Somewhat fraternal.. Well you give them power over you and you'll get power over someone that you like.

Heathens are hot, lust isn't a bad thing to them, you're supposed to be freaky.

Though there's a lot that's supposed to go into a healthy family.

I find there can not be any destructive mindsets for starters.

& that's where we're at, as Americans , I find many of the best ones are traumatized in such manners

so as to feel themselves incapable of functioning properly

Though throughout history, people have come back from wars, have suffered the ravages of war.

Pulled themselves together and got on with life as something they had to deal with.

In such a manner, I feel the American revolution was probably a dissapointment to the people of the time.

The French issued i a staue of liberty but upon the inscription they proclaim a country built on masonic princilpes.

The Americans, probably came to find, that the new rule in it's way, was weirder and worse then before.

Babbit and much classic literature spoke of their club going to a yearly event where the gentlemen got to see girls do weird stuff

and their wives would fret and in between these events, I figure, someone was fucking all these girls. & that was the guys doing all the weird

cult rituals and shit, keeping things interesting for the females who have a general interest and curiousity about such things.

& back in the Bush times, they were greatly outnumbered and used the patriot act to strengthen their hold.

During Obama they started posting the youtubes, giving validity to themselves

& when Trump was elected, it was like a W for Satanists everywhere.

The other day

Putin was trending, saying America is satanic.

There's certainly is a part of the country who may not write 666 on everything like the guy I came in contact with.

Though have intentions of trying to disrupt the lives of happy Americans without hesitation to hurt them for profit and anyone who

stands in their way.

Right now in America, Biden said that 1/4 people aren't worth a damn, incapable of even collecting a movie theater ticket. Answering a phone etc.

& you can count on them getting pissed off, if you try to change the way things are.

On top of that you have the various corporate sub structures

Plus around 3 million Americans work directly for the federal government. 20 million people employed in local and State governments..

While the largest employer on Earth is the United States Defense department.. Second is the People's liberation Army in China..

& it's a blatant smack in the face, people's liberation: when we know damn well people are not at liberty in China.

Likewise all these forces are constantly at work at trying to enslave the general population in some way or another.

Most likely with drugs and the sex industry and prison system.

The goal being: To divide friends..

No one can have a partnership, there will always be people working in the way of any such endeavors.

The only partnership you can have is with the government,.. & none of those guys look content

They're striving to be the ones who get to do all the horrid shit to the people.

All you have to do is add woman and most friends that were only using them as a means

will gladly ruin a friendship for revenge "pussy"

It's probably the easiest of all the pussies to get..

Women seem to be almost predictable in this manner

& I've given up many a girls to a player I appreciate but because I don't really want the girl anyways..

and I was at work one of those days, hadnt slept so I'm just feeling angry emotions.

& I almost cursed it all.. None of my friends are ever worth shit..

I dissed many a girls..

for friends & maybe looking back, I could've figured out a funny way to make it work

because some of em were hot, I loved my time in New Orleans, though nothing played out

& everyone figured I should go back & it took everything I learned to get through Detroit

& that was before the aforementioned.

Ive been training, I don't know if I should go take his shit now or not,

I feel I have the age advantage since he's on the decline & he never really had all that much shit

asking the boss of he could get some love on an old car or something..

& it set a higher standard, someone sweating everything you do..

I feel if I don't make it right, I'll always regret it... Some would say just be happy.

I mean I had to think about it, to remember his name.. Maybe I should just leave it at that..

& my friend said I should be more definitive...

I like to leave it up to the viewer..

& have the collective unconscious consider the dilema and maybe something more concrete with the things I've noticed.

Before I got too sad, I remembered when I was locked up in WV & the grief of knowing I could've had my ex & now she's doing god

knows what, was eating at me, as it was everyone there. & the general frustrations got to me when a dude broke my crayola

I pushed him then decided it wasn't worth knocking him out over...

Needless to say he had me in a buttrape lock just to show me it's serious, my knee still hurts from that day sometimes..

Anyways, I took it well and we had this super hot girl that would bring us breakfast

my dude one day got frustrated and called her a bitch then sent himself out of our tank.

The next day he calls over that big bully dude to the door, that was closed but you could still relay messeges..

His was "it's piss as he got straight splashed.. & it's a small town in west virginia, dude straight put up his life

to make me laugh inside.

& then everything was alright & that's why I love my ______ even though this dude had the same corny writing tattoo..

He was gonna pick me up when I got out but I had court and they decided to release me before him & I didn't know how to decline it.

Um no thanks I haven't learned my lesson yet, was what Gus did & he got respect by doing his time but it seemed counter productive in most situations. 3 days for a friend.. I really regret that one.

He had brotherly love, though he told me his sister is a hoe. I asked if he was alright with that.. He smiled, she had a lot of friends she hooked him up with. & I felt anyone like that couldn't be trusted under pressure. If that's not out of bounds...