I'm sorry, this was originally beautiful and I feel it's going to take a while to piece together and make something new out of what I wrote and deleted..
This self sabotage that I tend to externalize...
& I just lost another hour, not saving my work...
However long it takes, it's important I continue moving forward..
I find there are no short cuts in life, it'll end up biting you in the ass..
Whether you notice it or not..
Some people rather be oblivious of themselves to avoid responsibilities.
others have very firm guidelines...
I can't keep up with my boss plus they are for the most part on a strict regiment of nothing extra...
I have enough to deal with, just tell me what I need to know & I'll speak to you on a need to know basis.
It's not that the world is unjust
people use other humans to get what they want.
Like they pollute rivers and lakes
& burn down the forests so they can log
People don't know any better
so long as those are rewarded for doing so
They will continue to...
We had fort knox...
The wealth of the nation was stock pilled in gold to pretty much solidify the value of the economy..
No one knows what happened to the money, there was no investigation...
That may have broken the seal of a free for all...
Iraq and Afghanistan wars, Vice president Chaney, need I say more?
In South America, countries with more oil then Saudia Arabia are straight slums...
Though they couldn't do it here..
thousands of years of pillage and raping of continents
some would argue that bad breeding has just given us such natures
and we don't know any better, plus there is mass confusion.
We have a lot of problems, but gas stoves saving the Earth? Another way to tighten the squeeze on the people already struggling..
They can't make it look like it's China or Russia is destroying us
It's not that we're inherently bad
but I figure we are all born lovable
tend to side with nurture
and it's up to us to see to the next generation
Trump and some bosses I've had are
adults who felt like high schoolers I knew
they had capital given to them, started a business and seemed irrationally unhappy.
In a world that had only seen imperialism
America was something different..
Often imitated... There were old schoolers that kept their oath to truth justice and the American way..
Though it's been different things at different times..
hundred something years after we declared all men are created equal...
& there were generations that casually just lived with such contradictions...
I say this because women are the largest minority in regards to liberty.
It aches, my soul, for a woman to act like she's not horrified until she gets home
is not the natural condition. They are subject to predators & I feel like it's under the pretense
that women won't be freaks unless you force them to...
I don't agree by any mean
s but what if someone you want won't do it with you?
Something you have to deal with... Though women get turned on by weird things, so there's a chance even if you're not
prime choice, a fine girl wouldn't give you a sport fuck if the conditions weren't right.
I can't be mad at someone for loving whiteness,
well he's Italian... Not German but he'll do?
I just insist people shouldn't be mad at me for choosing people, that I get along well with.
I could've had acceptance with the LA crowd?
was in some random part of California and there was an old homeless man who said the meanest thing I've ever heard,
can't remember what it was but there was a cop there who
almost patted him on the back while saying hey easy there...
I didn't get phased by it,
I knew these 2 leeches did not represent the way people on the streets felt about me or police for that matter.
living in the street is like work in the way that
after about a month or so of staying in one place, they're like wow, dude is tough
I used to get a sense of admiration sometimes
Feeling like I'm not letting down the people who are let down the most..
Maybe it's not like we think, maybe some people are capable.
I'd like to think I sent out the message: Don't quit, there may me hope for you too.
It's not like he was creepy and evil & I didn't want him to have my art
guy was handsome type you'll find all over LA , short of a star but still probably fabulously wealthy..
he told me he just had a child and he was willing to risk sending my art to Brussels
in attempt to make money off of it
To me it was while I can't work at least I'm working on getting better at something.. There was some far off dream of becoming an artist.
Though when faced with the reality I know god insisted on no shortcut
if I want to be able to look anyone in the eyes and say I did it, you can do it too.. I can't get any breaks.
My impulse came from the same place that had kept me safe and relatively happy... At least not deeply in regret for the most part :)
I'm trying to explain, that the meek are so used to bad examples, they have no part of, somehow ruining their lives..
I can't explain how well I had to behave, to make people's image of the destitute, um, not worse by me...
That's what startled me, started me on this is the knowledge that the people who are born into wealth are so often unhappy
history has seen many kings pass down the throne to a spoiled brat (David's Solomon was an example that it doesn't have to be the case) and I used to have a quote on the topic from possibly Benjamin Franklin
Though as far as precedent goes, what we're shown..
dad's wealth and success has him able to get away smoking crack and fucking whores without any recompense.. might question if this is enviable position position to be in.
On the other end of that is Robyn who in 2013 was a hot lil girl who was also called a philosopher queen and just an amazing example of what women can be like.
I was talking to her and in LA at the time and I didn't know all that,
I did good, I mean.. I went to Hollywood and someone complimented my work, giving me a temporary legitimacy
and the next day someone approached me with an offer.
had a chance to trade my art for a duffel of what Robyn and I love
and arguably I wasn't ready to accept my blessing.
The world isn't going to keep giving to you if you aren't going to accept your luck.
To me, I just see a lot of people who look at the world as something to milk,
enjoy yourself regardless of other's expense, if it gets you ahead, do it.
Cam Ron had the song with George Bush's voice: I told the world, if it feels good, do it.
Also I had a premonition..
I think it was way after, I had come up on as many cases of chocolate with 4 months of shelf life left and I took as much as I could carry.
I finally gave up on my endeavor, the reaction I got felt like a swarm of people trying to get something from the guy who had
nothing and finally got something... Get it from him!! I wasn't sure I could reach Robin with the bag.
plus someone tipped me off that something good was about to happen, maybe they were a hater
but I was sure it wasn't a sporadic event like he stumbled upon me and liked my work
It was more prevalent, the next day at a library i frequented, he found me and offered money this time.
it was kind of to my disappointment but I had to follow my impulse. That said to me, this isn't the way it's supposed to go.
I want to set an example, be on even footing with any man, have no unreasonable expectations god doesn't offer short cuts.
Though I ended up just leaving it all in the only place in LA that I trusted.
I feel a lot of the government is like charity work... You need a big presence so you spread it out as much as you have to, give jobs to people...
It's kinda like work.. We've had an industrial age and Adam Smith wrote about the fluctuations of labor and the people working together to keep wages low..
The fact that the law tries to stop any event that the workers try to work together in their own interest.
Nowadays a machine can do pretty much most jobs. They don't really implement it, rather companies are rewarded for having some workers, see we employ all these people.
I figure let the machines do anything people can't whether it's loading, unloading, chopping vegetables or scanning groceries.
The corporate world loves no nonsense people who act like robots because it makes for a safer environment.
Finally we are hopefully not going back to caveman days, participating in the worlds oldest trade.
and entering the information age. Where the people we all love, the characters get to shine...
See advertisers will pay for content..
I'm not talking titties, just entertainment and there's nothing stopping us from from making things people can learn from.
Sometimes, I feel what we all need is for someone to be funny about the truth.
Or creative, when you watch a movie and afterwords you have a better understanding of life.
I think short stories are the best. 30 min to an hour... Tales from the crypt, Twilight Zone... Made you think about something in a way through story..
Today I'm just talking wasteful...
It's as if the government is as wasteful as possible without catching the public's attention,... Almost like they're trying to run the world into the ground
for economic turmoil... Or some new world... That seems to be progressing backwards, the way I see it.
10s of millions spent on investigations that don't seem to end up doing anything but leaving the people confused if justice works or not
We don't know if a president or ex president should have classified documents or not
It's the fact that if you can get away with breaking some law, the whole legal can potentially become worthless
for example: Federal law requires that every 8 hour shift workers get 2 paid 15 minute breaks and a lunch.
Now there have been times where I've been in a rush & felt like I'd rather just work for 7 hours and move on to the next thing.
Though I feel like a lot of the dumb mistakes and even injuries happen when people have been strenuously working without break.
I feel if they did a study on it and didn't have to get funding from someone who would insist it be biased for their own gain..
Since they're the only ones with money to pay for studies. So let's just say if you ask workers, they'll attest that one be able to get considerably more
and accurate work done when being paid for 7.5 rather then 7 hours.
a scene change, something to eat or caffeine whatever your custom.
Though when I worked at Subway they didn't give you that.. We'd still take a break every now and then
it might be interrupted by a customer and postponed the fact of the matter is
if they can get away with that then what's stopping them from sexual harassment or anything.
huge conglomerates can get away with crime.. Martha Stewart was the last scapegoat people get away with insider trading like it's not even a thing nowadays.
Covid really set it off, as an excuse for anything, how you expect us to keep tabs on the things that they are doing during a pandemic.
and the celebrities and politicians we're told we love them, we've been watching their movies and reading about them in magazines and such
how can you incriminate them, even if they went to Epstein island or whatever.
911 was the crime of a century to say the least.. & so far they've got away scott clean.
Thousands of people murdered in 911... Millions of lives since...
Most lately, well big pharmaceutical.. The health industry..
It's so big they can just get away with murder.
Bill Gates as we speak is buying up farm land and working on starving people.
They set it in college curriculum.
If you can not pay us this 50,000 you are scum.
Back in 1974 the average home was 32,000
a guy who worked at gm made 17
his mortgage was about 250 dollars and he could raise a family.
These days 25% of the population is disabled.
Everyone else has to pay for their laziness and incompetence..
& a bunch of unnecessary middlemen a huge government that since 2000 everyone's been trying to rip off as much a they can from.
I've seen people missing limbs work, you can collect tickets at a movie theater, you can talk to people on the phone..
When everyone is participating we're adding to the capital of the nation, thus everything just keeps getting better exponentially
because a person aided with machines should be able to make a way lot of anything during even half a day's work.
Similarly the president sets precedent, the one w/ the spoilt son
you got a president who went bankrupt at the public's expense eliminated all his debts.
Over and over again...
So what do you expect? A bunch of hillbilly's in government... Sure you can be disable, here we'll even pay your brother $800 a month to take care of you. Who cares that it's a drain on everyone that's actually trying to do shit.. We're all sold out to China anyway... We're gonna have our fun
Motherfuckers have a billion people.. & the government pretty much profits off of everything they make.. All their media, tv shows, advertising all goes to the government. There's nothing preventing them from buying American stock in everything
poison our corn with shit that kills plants but it's dna has been altered to not die and so long as it's a white guy in government telling us it's ok.. We'll go with it.
Sorry to bring up race, there are dumb, scandalous, intelligent, comical, serious, angry people in all races.
Though what I hate is, people that defend someone, not because he's a good person but because he's one of them...
In these kinds of situations it's usually that they're actually really bad people & that's why they need help to get away with it.
& I was being a nice guy, trying to set a good example while
Robyn got with some guy who takes her on vacations and gets to eat out all the time in some of the nicest cities in America & quietly propagates the agenda..
& I feel like that's around the time it became somewhat to standardized that a girlfriend means you lend her out every once in a while.
It's what a lot of girls seem to want, you get the relationship and getting to do freaky stuff without the cheating per se
& after I came back from pimping 101 & decided I'd rather eat garbage then hurt someone or take money from my parents.
I see, how it could be hot if you hated her... Though anyone who seems to want to pimp out someone they love, it's like pure hatred is so hot and the worst
thing you could do is the best, porn has our minds tuned to destruction & we go about fucking up the trust because that's what feels good..
We don't know any better, don't want to know better I can understand when a guy's a fag, it excites him to give up his girl to others...
On some cuck shit
& a lot of girls start "tricking" with gay dudes, who I guess relax them because they know they're not trying to get with them...
Or they are open and honest with what they're intentions for the other are
To some girls, it sounds fun, they want a capable man to be a freak with.
I mean it's ok so long as they got to make the choice.
As for me, I'm in no position to raise a child, though when I'm financially settled the reason I look at hot women is their genetics.
I don't want one night with them. I want attachment, we have to stay on good terms because we have children together.
I want you to be in my life as much as possible, because I love talking to you and looking at you I want to make more of you's and I hope you want to make more of me's..
I want to work with you & play
even if you're not all mine, I want as much of you as you'll let me have.
I feel this way about 1 in a million people or so... Though sometimes what's directly around me, seems good enough. There's a lot to admire in most everyone.
I just hate it when people play the race card.. I get the feeling this guy doesn't like me because I'm part native..
No, I don't like you because you act like a tweeker.
and I refused to look into Andrew Tate until finally I saw a picture of him with a bunch of girls and someone told me he has them as employees and that's some straight bullshit
if you want that to be legal, change the law..
Instead we have some hierarchy where some people can get away with breaking the law because his dad's the president of some successful company. While others are imprisoned for it.
The last thing I want to see is America turn into a bunch of crackheads but that's the way it's going.. That's the guaranteed way to make sure you have control over people is know they need you for drugs.
Just legalize them,, it would eliminate a lot of the crime aspect and the overdoses.
Watch the wolf of wall street and they're glamorizing it..
Look in the rap videos its the same...
Since Reagan times the CIA is known to have aided in distributing narcotics.
25,000,000 Americans are prescribed amphetamine salts. How many do meth? Breaking bad made it a kinda normal thing.
Just legalize the coke, it comes from chocolate and it's not as weird.
It's illegal so everyone wants to get in on selling it, education cuts make most of the population not want to become educated.
Every now and then I hear of new instances, I surely know it's happened before
where bad public schools made someone want to work real hard to get out of that environment.
For the most part people just want to fit in...
& if the media says they should be doing sexwork...
They'll at least have a desire to try it.
& I get mad at dudes, foreal that's the only way you can think of to make money?
What do you expect? No one's going to pay you for just tell me what to do type shit.
Though it's better then
what's expected of them if they don't go to school is labor jobs.
It'a not 74
That dream is gone now, maybe 2 people working together can sustain a household but barely.
The youth look to working a job as prison without having to commit a crime. I read on twitter the other day.
The popular mindset that's taught to the educated classes is that the world is overpopulated and the problem is these people who have these bullshit jobs or may live on
welfare
are the ones who are having the children, to live on public assistance
and anyone who is not capable to get through college is not fit to live.
& again I believe strongly in nurture. Adam Smith says that at age 7 it's tough to see the difference in abilities...
Some will say uneducated people will create more dumb offspring.. That's not the case, it's funny how two fully ugly people can sometimes produce a beautiful generation of children.
Likewise even two people who are very dumb, if it's in different ways, can create a genius of sorts.
Some of it may lie in genetic diversity... Others will argue for "purity"
Most of it, is if the child has someone stimulating their intellect
even assuring them that they are capable.
If the country's motivation was to educate everyone we could easily make great strides every generation.
The fact is foreign interests want people to aspire to be pimps, whores and drug dealers. There's a prison system to back it up
and a humongous human trafficking organization in America today. The police, politicians are obviously in on it and it certainly is in the interest of foreign nations
and backing this up is a government who distributes money to people who they see fit. To get SSI without being of retirement age.
at best people work a job, as a cover for illegal activities so they can do things like own property or go out to eat or on a vacation.
Rent is at an all time high and there's insurance, car payment, gas, bills etc.
Again pretty much a prison sentence that you won't be able to escape from for 20 or 30 years. Hell, rarely do people in prison even have to do anything.
For the most part they can just sit around and read books and play games if they have enough money.
That's if they get caught
I'm just saying we're not offering people a lot of incentive to do the right thing.
From my experience its currently aimed to dissuading people to work at all.
or to do business, even the overseers. So corporations have these kind of charity jobs. they do paperwork, file reports. They have filing cabinets full of reports that no one
ever looks at but the company employs say: 25 college graduates. Who paid $50,000 to get into the system. If they get a job somewhere they have a huge advantage over the
lower class...
Buy our whores, they practically beg of them in one way or another.
Though the fact remains that the the people who own the means of production don't need either of these kinds of people. Not in the long run, they need them now to keep up appearance sakes
and don't get me wrong I'm not saying there aren't people who go to college and have very demanding and difficult jobs I'm not talking about those people
Potentially i'm felling it could be a time for the characters and creative people to shine
if you want to be successful, you have to be able to entertain the masses.
Not sex work...
I feel the aforementioned policies are only in place because people don't know any better...
You might be saying nah man, prostitution has been around since the dawning of man & everytime I hear that I want to say, so you're
implying we should go back to the stone age or what? (I know I keep repeating stuff) It's sad but someone has to put it into words for us to understand collectively.
Kinda childish..
you'd think that we'd never get past yelling at one another but I've figured out just because you're saying it louder doesn't mean it's more true
Now that we know, when someone starts yelling you should be able to disarm them with this fact.
It's just about establishing that as a new norm.
Most guys probably wouldn't consider doing such a thing if it hadn't been popularized by pop culture. If they weren't being rewarded for it and punished for speaking out against it.
That's why its up to us to figure these things out.
Not just sit back as they take the well being out of the country..
I find it amazing that a woman that can act like she's made of straight stone... & it surprises me, when I see their vulnerability...
When I was a youngster, I had a salesman mentality and would pray on vulnerability...
It turned me on to think of turning them on & somewhere I lost that...
I feel I don't have the right, for the most part.
It's not about what I want, it's the greater good.. Somewhere one has to be able to cross that line... I am selfish I want this for myself, I must get it.
Even though she wasn't the one, so much good could have came from her mind...
Some might argue Robyn hasn't said anything good since.