said im way better when im rested
I had the keyboard in Russian and I paniced, it's over with:
then I saw the little R mode button and switched it back to ENG
That would've helped with some youtube searches had I known..
In this fashion the place I'm in helps me figure out my imperfections..
In cleveland they'd say that's all.. As in you thought it was like this butP> you were missing this: that's all & every place is the same Ruby Tuesdays
way about em..
It's culture:
Before people were civilied there was the middle ages and the renaisance brought us stuff like ball room dancing It's like it was so bad for so long people had to prove they could do better for the sake of each other. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// so tired I don't mean to show dusrespect I'm doing the best that I can being the circumstances are. When I got to reno dude had promised to pay me.. it was like my best guy & I had promised her a ring.. the airport is awkward & when I first saw her we had privacy kind of and she looked like an angel she had ridden the fine line of good and bad & she remained some kind of holy reminant of someone who had been through it and I honestly felt like she had saved herself for me in some kind of way. despite an awkward history and love is.. Now I find a lot of the old timers didn't have it perfect they just stuck to that one... & I had been stuck on her for so long but I was a mess, I pulled the longest moving stretch of my career missed my flight etc. and I woke up that 1st time in time to go see him get the money and then go see my parents, I was scared they'd try to talk me out of it & it turned out they were happy as hell. But I thought I should get rested up and slept until it was time to go to the airport and the busses were blocked off and I took the lyft as far as I could and walked there, something cray like that but I made my flight that ended up having to lay over in Houston. & I have no ring & I didn't make it like I ought to have. The clubs opened the nest day and I can't eat or sleep and she comes home and in her place is this puny lil
version of her, I'm tempted to say crackhead because what do you call someone who looks like they've been used and mistreated and throughout our relationship it was a fluctuation of somewhere in between those two.
& now people have it mistaken like I liked her because she's a bad bitch and was freaky but I fell in love
with her on the phone. Even if w never were sesual she'd still be my top pick of people I want to be around.. I wanted nothing less then that back & I got it at
one point she said I'm her best friend better then cat. She only showed me her ideal.
what she thought she would like to live up to maybe though at the end she said I don't even know her..
Like who's fault is that?
It makes me feel valley girl
At one point she says being a drug dealer is more respectable then what I do.
& she didn't like the quota... Though to me, I'm getting paid to practice fast hands because I want to have the fastest.. In case I do have to go up against
someone who hasn't been practicing 4 hours a day.. Now true putting a book in an envelope isn't drawing but it's all I know, improvement, whether it's in the
kitchen, loading or unloading a truck.t's all I know, you've gotta work two jobs to get ahead if you don't want to do something you aren't happy with.
& I work for the corporations sometimes i don't feel all the way good about it but out of my options I take work when it comes and the something like the 5th day I go out of
town for a week though it turned out the guy I worked with was going back so that almost messed things up & my cushion to really focus on her was depleted by the guy
who owed me money, yeah he paid me, when I needed it but i still can't fuks with em ever again & Im about to start working the second job and she says I don't like it: Not sleeping causes irritation and general unpleasantness and she was right, Just recently I still haven't learned that lesson.
NY job sure, when I got the specifics I should've straight gone to chicago but I wanted the challenge and i got through it, uninjured esept for my labtop screan that finally got dropped in a fit of irritation. My x and z keys gave out before that and I type my c's with ctrl v automatically but acer makes a tank ass laptop for the most part.
After it was over I had the way out, go to Queens work the night & i felt good like I was ready but I knew how I was gonna feel at 4am back to Manhattan and waiting for that train to Jersey that only shows up once an hour to drink coffee pack up, go back to queens to the room.
Straight gave up, like I'll wait until Friday but I'm going to get a good nights rest & there I lost my chance I kinda rested & went to chicago, same deal: work 1 more day and then rest & you'll have work nest week... though I gotta listen to what those around me are telling me..
Whether through words or actions. Anyways I'm still a mess off losing my bank card. I had google pay and busted my phone it's all from not getting rest & routine..
I told her, I'm so much better once im rested up but I failed at esspressing my need for like 14 hours on a weekend.. Instead we were desperately trying to spend time with one another and I'd get up early & then wait and freak out..
Instead of getting work done I talked to her once after but before that the last thing she said to me was I don't associate myself with people who do criminal actions & it made me so angry what am i supposed to do with these contradictory statements..& It's like she had some kind of formula for treating me bad and making me want to stay. & I would do anything for that godess but I have to listen when people are pushing me away..
Ali was doing that and I kept trying to bring her closer and it ended in disaster..
Uh oh, I wwent there & I was thinking about it on the ride up here.
& it's coming from the same place that it always has so I feel I have to adrress it. Though I hate how the real world made it standard to give the play by play of how things happened.
It's feminish so I'm going to proceed with caution
Though I've opened the wound and all day today I'm feeling it & I'm going for the gusher
Get it out and done with maybe and heal.
Shit I could barely eat or sleep until I got to Seattle let alone go back to sleep.. She said she faked it & it's beyond me as to why... You're only hurting
yourself... im sitting here thinking i'm doing a great job, I'll just keep doing that.. Even my neighbors were fooled. Dude In cali said I gotta get the plumbing right. & I never tried plumbing but I'm sure I'd take way longer to figure it out then most people and when I did figure it out, I'd be great at it automatically. there's nothing I haven't been able to learn so far that I really wanted to. & then she said she lied about faking it & I guess I was relieved but what I should've done is ask how do you want it, is this good and really put forth a sincere effort,
I've never watched porn with the sound on.
Sound like fucking goats
I 'm still confused and hurt & angry. & before I got there.. I told myself I'd just be loving no matter what, I'd counter act it with love
but have you ever seen a dog not eat when it's owner is away... I mean I'm Russian first off and I was hurting so bad. & I go back & read missed tekts stating how you
were trying to warn me and you were feeling hurt. & I was too caught up in the world wind of trying to keep my job & not get overwhelmed... & I know you tried,
I literally saw you get gray hairs you were trying so hard.& I saw your frustration of being with me.
You got a money gram but they wouldn't let you get it.. & I'm watching it in like 3rd person fucked up on dispensary weed telling myself, she better watch it, her friends not gonna keep sending her money
like I was the one who was using her for litte
when you've got a record.
& I got the pettiest shit imaginable..
From various hoes on my dick
motherfucker thinks he can just paint some fire ass flames on his lincoln etc.
the worst is when I had a girl who loved me.
When I go to a place that shows love I forget about how many places
work against me.. The worst was probably Golden State when the cavs won..
I was in Berkeley when theyh won the 1st two
& I had to take it to the streets
of Oakland
Last time I was there
this dude came to work like he hated me
& tested me
and I was kinda intimidated at first
though throughout the shift,
found he was just a kid
still some punk tendencies
though when he was still mad at me
he says Oakland aint shit
In Richmon right now, this was Junish
they're having 3 hour shoot outs.
I laughedMO< it's not funny he was quick to respond
like he was especting that kind of reaction
People are dying.
& I made the appropriate serious change..
My fault, you're right, it's just the way you said it..
That's pretty rediculous
I've been to Richmond before but only for a couple days
I wanted to see it because that's where P's from
Then they had the bike shop
Now Tejas has made it legal to open carry firearms
Nothing makes people more uncomfortable then seeing people with masks
eccept people with firearms on them.
They said it's a good idea to have armed guards at school
I think it's a terrible idea considering the psychee(?) of the children
metal detectors it's all alarming.
I remember the 1st time I was sitting there and a guy comes in and puts his gun on the table with a thud.
I looked to my friend in wonder, like what is the meaning of this?
Sure I know people carry guns but the thing is you never let anyone know you do, so everyone is comfortable...
I think I bounced shortly thereafter
It's cus of these fools with masks
um the description, we have a tall black male with brown eyes
so now everyone' even more uncomfortable.
If the government's job is to make people feel like things are going swimmingly... They are doing a damn shitty job at it.
It's the confidence that things will go on as they used to that people want & need, that they're straight fighting... I catch lil glimpses of the news so I'm not good
at tweeting.. No that's no escuse, though I'm sure
It's covid covid covid numbers and some filler
Before it was trump trump trump and people are used to obsessing
I'm sure one network obsesses over how bad Biden is and a lot of people watch it religiously...
Lopes was a pimp, Tony did not know how to handle a bad bia