I tried a psychiatrist & she would get mad when I'd talk about her...

I write it down & then the next I realized fuck I did add to her nightmares.

Straight up, forgot about it & you brought it up once & I didn't know how to talk about it.

Then I was in good spirits the net day, brought it up & you brushed it off.. What Jaguar? I know how it started, Tiffany wanted to see the look on my face when I found out she brought you.. I gained nothing from the incident, only lost trust & I remember the once you cried, hear that sound when I'm failing at being successful. There's nothing I can do

Tears into my soul & motivates for greatness..

months wasted away working out the dick muscle

I was kinda offended

you say you love me and you need something to do

So I say ok lets us 2 travel around see America w you

and work pay no rent &

If we can survive for a year we can save up a mortgage

and start something

& I'm fucked up, everything I'm seeing

wishing I was seeing with you

I shouldve promised too that we'll come back to Nevada

Where you can be a hoe or a hoe

but at least we'll have some leverage.

Put a downpayment on a house and at least not wasting all our money being single.

We should be sharing paradise

It would've been so much better if we started a business of our own

without just asking my parents got a loan, a warehouse & something I'm on

almost 15 years of trying to get to this point

and i can't help but remember, rational you

so sensical and I

apparently lost that

I didn't listen to expert advice.

What's the point of having someone who's you're favorite person to spend time w/

if you're not going to apply the things they tell you..

I'm real standofish on that, being told what to do,

I'll often try to think of creative ways to do a gesture as what you may have offered

I mean it's a thing... Like a probing question. I feel other people should've learned not to do that

Though randomly a couple months ago and a couple weeks ago, I did.. So I should be forgiving of others & myself but that's why people are great because they don't make someone uncomfortable.. It's kinda a privillidged jerk thing, that I fight within myself the merit is all that matters to me. Also I was weak

I couldn't say what I needed to

You agreed that were adult enough to not to look through emails and such

& I followed through with that resolution..

You'd leave your phone out while in the bathroom & I had moments of skepticism

Though I never tried to go through it

We were crazy about one another both wore out from erything we'd still try to spend every possible moment with one another until one day you have to go? So I asked to see your phone & you say no & the next day, now you can see my phone.. & I couldn't break up with you loved you too much... I'd threaten to leave Like you can't keep doing this but I didn't have the ability to just make you talk it out What I just said would've been great It's taken me a year to figure it out

& I think I've figured out what I should've done with pretty much everything now but I've been saying that for a while now.. Instead of busting you out I sent myself the list of instagram hoes and hid it in my email from you

& it should've been like I feel you're exploring other options

when you say you're committed to me.

We agreed on if we're thinking of cheating we'll tell the other person

& I believed you to have enough nerve to do so

I swear this whole time I was hoping for that chance with you

& you would hint around in the most engenous ways

but I was digressing my communication

I was getting bitched out & I had to leave before it got worse

I should've got my parents blessing

I had no idea they'd be cool about it

I didn't follow through from the start

anything I said to you might believe I wouldn't follow through with

when you said the ring was a deal breaker and I agreed but didn't come to you w/

I tried to show you in response that I was sincere

with you I can't leave any room for doubt

The worst thing you can bring to the table..

i wanted my word to be good enough

I never said it unless i meant it

& all that was way off

the pressure of fighting the world is equivalent to constatly knowing I failed with you

the best thing I couldve had

Always hurts being without you

& soon after I left I heard people saying third times a charm

& I want to have everything that I've been working on so far

to come true so I can say to you I have everything that I've ever wanted

& I want you to complete it all.

i want you're vision and all you're experience to help guide me & in a tough situation you'll probably know what to do if a clue doesn't come to me to

I can't believe I wouldn't listen to the things you'd tell me to do

Just carry it out, make you happy..

I guess I wasn't used to working with anybody

I mean pretty much everything she asked for was reasonable

and everything she said was jewels..

Just wanted to know

& trust you with my blind spots that I'll know you're never gonna turn on me

I didn't bring my best to the table. Your loyalty astounds me, even if it's not for me

even if its not what I thought you wanted to be

i want to love you for me

& I understand you didn't want to change for me

you called me out because you were looking for a way to

make it work & was surprised that I wasn't about a hussle though we both hate that word.

I mean I told you I work & I thought we agreed on that kind of experience

you told me no drugs & I was happy drink mt dew & stay up w you all night long

though I had some suspicious tendencies

& I know you do too, so don't go assuming i'll gladly clue you in to any of my faults

& my dude said it in the perfect way, it's a relationship if we're rowing in opposite directions

you said no drugs & I didn't feel I had to make you have the same promise

& I know they weren't letting u sleep

& eventually I'm dead ass tired while you're up all night going through my computer

I don't know, I sent you all those letters trying to guilt you into getting back with me...

Like so much is your fault too... Please give me another chance

god i want you so bad

for the sakes of love and family

the opposite of everything that you perpetuate

though I see your affaction / infatuation

at least it's real life & not a tv

sO corporate America has turned into global corporation & it's up to us to fight for decency. lead by example.. We as Americans, owe it to ourselves to not be taken in by whoever is crippiling our country in the hope of population control.

It's not a conspiracy theory..

There is a big as stone in Georgia that's pretty basic but so is the Eiffel tower...

In fact it was just supposed to be there for the fair...

Then they were like lets keep it up, it's so romantic.. Oh giant heap of scrap metal shaped like an antena..

it's up to us to start a pyramid scheme while there's still way more of us...

An ode to American efficiency.

Independant Brand Products starting with windows and bricks to eventually manufacturing our own soda machines.. Shoes and steam powered motorcycles... Kinda quick, but they run on water and cost us about $300 to make.

Ever wanted a pair of shoes that wasn't made in a sweat shop?

We got you!

An example of systematic manufacturing of American products that are worker owned so for the first time in history, people could directly profit off their own labors. You guys keep doing the capitalism thing because we are trying to compete while using decent standards.. No longer do you have to feel bad about every option on the shelf..

We got it figured out and stand to profit on it.

Direct competition to the corporations because monoplies are unhealthy and we've seen how far you are willing to take it.

We owe it to ourselves as decent people to figure out a better option, implement the system and lead by esample.. No one is going to do it for us.

repopulate with warriors because we've seen how far evil will take it and it's blatant disrespect for women, for people

FELT LIKE AN ASS THAT WASN'T PERFEcT WOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR NOW

I can't settle...