& I feel like taking out your phone at work is an insult whether they see it or notI just get all these observations
want to write everything all of a sudden
well exercise has twice that effect.. It's been a steady stream all day
& I feel like taking out your phone at work is an insult whether they see it or not
so I've been trying to keep them in the back of my mind
the thing is you cant be fast while thinking about stuff
your supposed to be getting ready for the next step and implementing a smooth transition when doing so you literally get stuff done 4 times as fast
Though that's when I get my best ideas, when I'm trying to not think of them & it's a guilty pleasure to indulge while effecting my work performance.
When you're heads full of things while performing task... You finish what you're doing, take a time out, recall that you need to do something next & those seconds add up quick.
So Ive been doing a pretty good job of recalling everything
& I don't want to risk breaking my train of thought so most of my free time is dedicated to this pursuit.
Mfers doing all types of things
ripping off everyone
Whenever one complains,
they look at you like you're the retarded one...
you know and should have accepted by now..
Things aren't fast and effective like they used to be before covid..
For the cost of covid we could've isolated all venereal diseases by now, like I was saying
Paid fo them to live the rest of their lives for free, isolated but with the ability to fuk other people who have diseases too..
I'm sorry for your saccrifice, but the rest of us can live disease free, forever...
I was saying if we'd just spent 10 billion at the beginning of this thing to isolate everyone who has a cold..
Look, whether or not it's covid we have to quarantine you to make sure you don't spread it, so you got a free 2 week vacation,
and in theory it would've been over. Now trillions of dollars of debt later...
& it's never been anything more then that... I've been sick like 8 times since & it's never been any different
The 1st time, I almost got shook, thinking oh no, this feels stronger, though logically the flu always gets stronger every year it mutates so.. There's that
let me ask you this? Why didn't people dye in droves like in NY ever again?
It was a scare tactic.. That's the only evidence we have that there's ever been a pandemic, except for a lot of people getting away with murder
You might look it up on google and there'll be no mention...
But I bet almost everyone knows of at least one incident that appears to be shady.
DJ pooh said a song isn't meant to be presented as evidence or something of the likes
I say the most important part of the internet is the information
see back in the day... If I had some shower handles that got loose
but they're made funny and I don't know how to tighten them...
I'd just feel like I wasn't a man...
Though now a days, I'm sure I could at least find it in a browser search
maybe youtube
& that's what I want, it's an alternative to the aforementioned because they kind of have a monopoly and used it to try to spread misinformation
and now we feel used...
We could've done great things with all the money you stole & now everything's worse off then before
I woke up, I have less then 3 months until I turn 40.
I started working 2 jobs at 25
and I did the math
my best possible outcome right now is I can have enough by then to buy a shitty ass car that won't impress her
or my parents or any of my peers.
& I'm plain sick of this
these motherfuckers got rich off of tracing the virus..
Implemented a sorry ass system of trying to track who came in contact with it..
They used to make you have to pay $1,000 something dollars for some Mexican fools to walk around with a spray bottle and some paper towels
if there was a person who made contact with someone who got covid and was in your store...
Seeing if they could get away with it..
They thought they could unanimously get control
and they still plan on it because it's either Trump or pedophiles
LOL take your pick what's worse?
& I get sad when I hear of dogs, minding one's business, roast beef
or think of America's favorite LD rapper
there was this one summer I was back in Columbus working in New Albany
& all the people I worked with were beautiful & cool
from Kenya and Mexico, Kazakstan, all over the world.. and they were all visiting the U.S.some living in a motel just working and getting a taste for American life
and at the time there was this house for rent right behind my parents
I thought if I got a couple roommates together..
I pictured mysef as the center.. Oh you want to see the best thing about America
There's gonna be a bonfire at my house Friday night, yeah it's just down the street from the job
& Anthony's girl was there & she was telling me about what's wrong one day& I told her the words Rich said that sounded comforting I said I want to go to LA & he told me we'll figue it out together... & I owed it to her & to have visited her room when they had their kid, while I was at work at the hospital making sandwiches
she came down in her gown and i gave her my employee meal
At the time I've felt no words were ever so soothing
Though I've been very bad at not following through after saying such a thing.
& someone got to teasing her & I didn't stick up for her and
I thought she's from the hood, there's no way she's gonna be all self conscious.. Working in the suburbs for her first time.
in retrospect she might've felt out of place so someone stepped up, defended her & got w her and now it feels like the whole thing was done on purpose
but still if I had it together, I would've done the right thing in the 1st pace
I don't know what we'll figure it out together means, rather don't know how to implement it
if people spent years of their lives figuring life out
then they could spit the truth and maybe people would like you for it...
The best you can do is imitate
people don't take into consideration why you had to do something
They just see you did it and that is especially dangerous when it's impressionable people who look up to someone..
fucked up psychodelics for 10 years
should've known better
they're helpful by nature
but they can go wrong..
More to that later...
a woman feels every slight
men do too but it hasn't registered to most of us
I forget where I was going with that..
I guess a level of self awareness..
That's to be expected if we are to utilize
a balanced "mankind"
i see dudes especially corporate
they'll get worked up abut something
maybe they don't like something im subtly doing
& they'll point to something like a nazi salute
yeah, I need a job but I'm not going to accept that kind of shit
& I always wondered at the ones who buy me lunch if they get excited...
Like. we made him eat McDonalds!
It's funny, my company... at one point I felt like they are family to me
for how are you supposed to feel about people who help let you endure when the rest of the world
wants you to go broke, so they can use you or eliminate you
& there was a time people said fuck you to all that & would rather go to the streets
When 1/3 of the homeless were those kinds of people while 2/3s were trying to get people to believe that the former have mental problems. No dude, I had trouble getting a job and this dude is 60 something...
White power: straight has bitches on their knees, so they can stay with someone
who doesn't do shit but collect ssi and get his rent paid at our expense
Handicapped people have the white trash advantage..
women: you are supposed to like the doers, the slick people, who make amazing things
not the ones who managed to waste our governments money on scams
use the system to send us all back to the middle ages
what if you gave what you give to the ones that you hate
to people that you love?
Could it be as hot?
& it's not just with just one company that I find people trying to disprove I'm a good worker
Now I was in Cleveland and work was very scarce
I signed up for a temp agency and luckily wasn't satisfied with that progress
& got a job at a restaurant & I don't think I had any weed so I was just fast enough
I gad a month to pay rent
& I think before that
I signed up with this company online
& they just send you to work from another State.
and I was worried because they asked if I had transportation
& I had the bus and the bicycle and I wasn't sure if that was gonna cut it or not
& this guy calls from somewhere random like are you gonna work tonight
ok go here
So I was expecting a beam team like overnight reset
I should've asked if he worked for the company but they were the only place I applied to
there really wasn't shit for jobs in the Cle & it was a rather prosperous time, looking back
so I take the bus as far as it goes and headed out on bike to Strongsville
a guy gave me a foreboding look
& it started snowing
I wasn't fazed I charged off
and the place was closed so I started home
but it was a full blown blizzard
in minutes inches were coming down
I think it totaled like 2 feet
Swear to g
It was past midnight everything was closed
the buses weren't running
& I tell my man's Mike
when I got home who liked
scenarios a lot
and would always say what he would've done in a movie
I tells myself, I can lay down and die
or I can just keep going
I slept for like a day straight afterwords and was possibly the sorest I've ever been
that was my first experience with a company i kept working with
i mean I couldn't confirm it
though I remember the look of treachery of my boss, when I left my job to go work with them.
because I could travel...
& the many times i fucked up & messed up on my travel arrangements & would just hide
and go to work & they let it slide, saved me from myself in a sense
I needed a ride and the guy i was working with, was living out of his van
says he'll give me a lift & they kinda tested me to see if I'd try to keep the hotel to myself
& I like those kind of tests when I get them right, though I'm hard to interpret
you never know the situation the person was in
one only sees the gesture
& mimic it if they admire someone
I'm still working on how to say that...
What makes someone worthy of adoration?
Hollywood would say, they have to suck our dicks and stuff
& be short
and old
if they want a movie
When I said survivor mentality, people drove mad far to go work in Florida
and then they'd just cut like 8 of em and every week, they'd cut new ones and people were making alliances and everything garbage
a co op is the opposite, i dont remember if I'd said this or not but it's important
a co op would be about making life long friends and spending your tie working with people you like and choose to be around.
So at the time, my style of getting jobs was weird
Now lately employment is just strange like they're trying to turn you off from the whole thing, i remember for a while
fast food places were paying daily for instance
or people will make ridiculous bets so they can cum on your wifes tits
while your trying to be busy at work type of shit
yes of course money is important
the thing is you're not supposed to hurt people to get it
I mean at least people you love
though even strangers, you're individual actions
are breaking the trust for all of us
like I said, I'm sick of it
I see no prospect in sight
& I recall the novel the Godfather
I preferred the novel Casino.
My dad wouldn't let me watch the movie
though he gave me a stipulation
he says to me: if you read the novel then I'll let you watch the movie
& it was awesome, gangster as fuck, I finished the book and asked to rent the movie
he said no, I'm too young...
So I walked to Blockbuster and rented it my damn self
It was our sense of justice
oh we aren't allowed to by tobacco? Well who do you think works at the stores that sell it?
Our people... So we'd break the rules since we felt entitlement
it was the golden rule
wouldn't you want others to do the same for you?
kind of trickles down, the effect
i notice anything i get for free i don't value
i think i have a story coming up about a redbull
everything doesn't spend the same and I learned it the hard way
with mushrooms
see we used to get white ones with blue veins and they were helpful
so when I took them and flipped out and Persephony was seeing demons
as she drove back after deciding to resuscitate me...
I got a call from dude i got em from, like we've got our new batch
& I'm like they're helpful, they're white and blue etc.
& maybe I was fucked up at the time & the thing & it was the catalyst
Though I really should've learned from my mistakes.. & that's what fucked up my lakehouse
Making me go start working in the real world to get an understanding fo the thing
that's why the weed at dispensaries is somehow fucked up
& they're trying to get people to distribute pounds of that shit
& lock up those selling real dro
the government's not going to give you something to fight the power with
that's why I don't trust the idea of dispensary mushrooms..
I know they'll make em good enough that people will buy them, so they'll be profitable
probably with some major drawbacks...
Or maybe it's like if you buy drugs that came from the cartel...
It's not the drugs are bad, it's where they came from
even if your clothes were made in a sweat shop or not
also if you paid for your stuff
yesterday dude got me a redbull and i left it on the truck & spilled some as it drove off
if I bought it, there' no way that would've happened
I've accepted I feel differently about different things at times
though there's a wonder if she's always trying to sabotage me
yes I acted bad,
I don't know how to go about things right
I keep making attempts, they're successful in some ways
failure in others, though I learn from it for next time
& I went to go see her & I don't usually have fun
I look at it like a learning experience
& I feel she's intent on giving me tragedy
maybe i don't go about it right
I had been writing again and I tried calling
& I got her email & was like fuck
so I started making plans
it's the summer a good time to try to move on & I didn't want to
I gotta try to help my mans, & save the world maybe ill try again
& I was getting ready to leave & she posted a video saying please don't go
Now it's conveniently hidden & or she changed her mind
all I know is she asked me, when things were good
why didn't you take whats yours
I'll leave clues for myself
We watched Mozart & Madonna's Les Mes because I feel those are the two most important movies
& we watched her pick Gone with the the wind
each one we stopped halfway through & I'm sure the ending was the important part for her as well
as my selections were with me. & I kinda hoped we could talk about it, reflect my intention was to show the holy nature of things
how you might not get what you want but if you follow the holy spirit, it'll work out, even tragedy is beautiful
& it's the way I was taught to teach history by relating it to something more present...a story and the meaning behind it
so the lesson will be remembered through association.
it's information
Cappatini before he died, admitted, he took the class twice to memorize the whole thing and tell the same stories verbatim as a teacher
like it was a bible being passed down
I thought it was weird
because he related stories of his life, being in the army, or being a college champion boxer
& I never got to ask him about it... I feel he even reached out to me & that fucked me all the way up
when I was still talking to Ali and I hadn't neglected a friend like that since Justin
& today I'm thinking why she doesn't talk to me is because, I think it was the beginning of this year
before they dogged her out, she sounded like she wanted help, like maybe shed consider forgiving me for leaving
if this time I fought
and instead of rushing to try to save her like pound puppies.. If you're friend calls you charge over there
no wait time... Instead I wrote about all my fears and how I felt betrayed and basically told her to deal with it
because she appeared to be yielding...
It's stupid and backwards
that we fall victim to reverse psychology
me and Shanti haven't been able to figure out our dynamic again
there's something in the way... I mean there was a time, I spent more of my day with him then any of my other friends
and it was still like 4 hours or a couple days
I feel like I can't play a Pippen role... He's older, smarter, more courageous, stronger
but he's not paying me money so I don't give him the respect I'd treat a 19 year old manager with
and I had to fight the covid.. I justify it to myself
and we had to build you up...
For when I was with her, they weren't sure if she's a ten or not
most were quick to probably point out her flaws
though now everyone's in love with you
& I feel that I am deserved to get to enjoy you while you are in this state
and use you to help provide for our family.
Though not on some small time shit...
My history teacher the year before, was the reason I thought I hated history, even though I liked it in 7th grade
she was so boring & it surprised me that the same teacher I spoke of that smart guy obsessed over...
was her reason for choosing her employment even though she did such a bad job at passing down the knowledge.
I don't know if I got it down or I missed the part
when I said she took down the song that said please don't go
and now I feel weird again,
she posted up a picture with a cat and dolls with sundresses
so i cut out the summer of love modeling contest
& I was working, I had just enough weed to get me through a night of trying to see her
and last time, Venus told me that I could get a dance with 2 girls and they have to do it
so was this a dare? I made the scenario...
She's furious because I'm forcing her to see me
but then again she had implied she does like bold resolution
taking what I want... Kind of thing
& I'd be helping pay her rent
though it's also bordering on being a stalker
I've made it my rule of thumb, when in doubt
take the conservative route
hope she's watching just like i hoped the picture would sway her when I knew something important was happening
but it didn't post public and she got genetically modified so she could keep her job
and if it happened 6 months ago I'd understand... Though now since it's effectiveness has been dis-proven..
. I want to tear the world in half & I could feel her crying when I related how I feel about it
& I had drew up a plan
I'd tell the other girl, she hates me
go ahead, if you hate me for this, spit on me
then I'd tell the girl now you spit on her
and instead I watched a
sasha gray porn
& now bitches be spitting
i trynot to fux with my subconscious that motherfucker is strong
just try to work with it as best as possible and be as aware as i can
i haven't really been eating
why it's
i hate errors, & it's up to me to double check my texts
I get eager & sometimes don't have the strength
I don't know if she'd check my facebook before she went through with it & it would've made the effect or not
though they won, she couldn't have seen it & it's just pure heartbreak for me, I'm sure for her
& they got away with it
and recently they had this random post like we're just checking do you want this post to be private, public, or only to your friends
& I heard of people boycotting facebook & I love my friends on there, I've grown accustomed to it but how do you not punish treasounous treachery?
I just want to make a youtube and facebook alternative where people upload information (especially to confused youth) and get paid for all the views they get and people get to vote to decide our democratic stance on a topic.
and it's not just one company I feel like anytime I work fo the corporations I'm put in some kind of terrible situation
it's the survivor mentality and I was in Indianna & there was work & I kept fighting the temptation of something even better
& I kept seeing the same money in Florida plus they pay for my room & board & I'm like no, my rent is next to nothing, I'm so lucky I got this place
& maybe that's why I didn't click with my roommates & I had to tell myself this is the home of the Indy 500 as I could feel the threat of death
possibilities growing, so I stick & move and of course it's too good to be true, & I can't be trusted with
I understand what it's like to get so frustrated with the world
making 650 a week is great, literally I get paid more then a fire fighter
stick to the script
I feel like the world expects your word is your bond
and in communications with people if you make a plan,
you're supposed to do everything you can to stick to it
and if you cannot, since
it's unreasonable to expect one never to break their word..
You're supposed to tell all concerned parties asap... At least, they'll know the script-is-out
Lying is even a great strategy to throw off people who expect that you will
hit em with the element of surprise.. I can lie too mf'er
what I was trying to say earlier: when she was gonna get the shot
& I didn't know why, I felt terrified I decided to post a pic
and that night came to find out all my posts could only
I still hope she's looking from a fake account because I am
I'm not the stocky type, it comes from an inward desire to make things right
I don't usually complicate my life
I've always been almost famous & I always feel like another day if I just keep chipping away at it
& contended that at least my work may be found helpful.
more important is being legit & I could never picture myself forcing her to do anything...
Especially after the way motherfuckers have her twisted now...
& when we were together, she implied that she had to do stuff so that I was safe
aint that some fucked up shit... If someone has a problem with me,
they go to my girl and tell her if she doesn't do something that I'm not safe..
I know I didn't do anything to anyone
I knew then, she was dealing with scumbags.
I also know there are people who throw salt at others
just because they have nothing going on themselves.
Now in chess
when you're black
you're just happy being black
the board is even and white attacks
because they know they have the element of surprise
and they'll always be one move ahead
so I never attack as black
take that back, unless someone's being really stupid attacking
I was on D but real quick, all of a sudden check...
then I slide more pieces on the attack
this might not work but he left an opening.
Though for the most part, I just counter their moves semi automatically
well you're 1 move ahead but I just made that move worthless
until hopefully, I'm in control of the board..
& that's what black is like
you have a right to defend yourself
it's annoying as fuck when people are trying to make your moves worthless
and you don't even know who they are
golden state tactics.. Anything you can do to annoy them,
they're sleep, their feeling of safety
try to break their trust
oh you didn't receive that message? Yeah right...
& if it worked they win..
They won, I didn't want her to have to do stuff because of me
and it turned out exactly how they wanted
that's terrorism
we do not negotiate with terrorists
though I felt lucky, that I at least got a hint to the matter
a person lives their life constantly in fear
and people would come to America because that was what life in their country was like
though when you're spreading 3rd world tactics in America... You've gotta go
I'm sorry, you have undermined civilization people came to America saying
maybe i'll have to work really hard, probably even do some things i dont like doing
though at least i know i'll be free to choose, so long as I am an adult
That's a human right if I've ever heard of one.
and they're trying to take that away, liberty's strong hold...
& the rest of the world in one swoop.. Though 6 months ago they thought it would have fallen by now
and it hasn't we're in terrible shape economically...
(OH yeah I was working this convention center and someone said that just the night before it had been a porn convention
and we were talking about I wonder what actresses were here.. & this dude got all defensive with me...
He says to me Sasha Gray is the greatest porn star of all time... Just out of no where)
They say it's not so bad, inflation is only 10%
motherfucker a dollar store thing is now a dollar 25
a $5 pizza is now 6.50
an 800 dollar apartment is now 1100
how the fuck is inflation 10%?
I used to say I'd give my all to a job for 15 an hour
now I need 20 just to live normal, not even go out
and my boss has been buying me lunch & I'm all happy to get to eat like a human.
& the ones who did this are enjoying themselves, the necessity of others
Well I'll just be patient and keep working and that 3 months will turn into 9 months and I might have 10,000 dollars saved up
nah fuck that for the 1st time in my life, I'm thinking of taking a shortcut
& this is what they want me to do: so that they can prove, see we told you he was a bad guy
then make even more of a slave of me... In prison or committing crimes against my own people
people get others hooked on drugs, it's not the enemy, it's your own people you are prostituting out
for the benefit of the wealthy...
The whole thing makes some so mad that they go and shoot up the mall or club
and regular people are so stressed, they don't have money to do something fun
so what little joy they have, you decide that you want to take it away from them?
No it's only the scummiest of scum...
It's about time, that instead of glorifying them with instant fame
we call them out for what they are
Marc Dixtop shot and killed 6 children and 2 adults at a school
where children are supposed to feel safe, where they go to learn about interacting with others
Marc Dixtop is the worst trash we've ever seen we all hate him fo being an idiot
Marshall Mathers made a song about killing prostitutes
while hip hop was glorifying the same thing
and you've blatantly supported the depopulation process
by putting the idea in the heads of millions
that killing the most beautiful women in the world is a good idea.
They were only trying to fit in
etc.
We owe it to ourselves to do something better..
Yeah we know Ben, sell T shirts, have a rapping contest & concerts
build container houses.. We've heard it like 50 times from you before..
Nope
In the godfather book, he said there are people who are running around screaming kill me
and it just takes someone that people trust to listen and acknowledge their death wish
now I haven't seen one personally or read of anything in particular
though I'm told there are people who are running around saying something like 50 year old adults
should be able to have sex with 12 year old girls and they have the government behind them
and their real agenda is getting trump into office
so they feel that they're safe in asserting such things.. I say
lets rob them...
They ought to feel that saying something like that is a dangerous mistake and be out of the public eye as much as possible, certainly keep their beliefs to themselves (fucking sickos)and happy they haven't been set on fire.
and it's been voted on numerous times that a pedophile is irredeemable...
I'm not one to say... I think it's important to note the ages of both parties
as a 17 year old having sex with another 17 year old is not illegal
an 18 year old can't be that bad etc. some say the law is the law
I can only say what I feel to be right, I've done my responsibility.
It's very well possible that a 30 year old man who fucked an 11 year old girl
could reform, and maybe even do something really good for society...
I don't know, I'm not god, i know he says no one has the right to take life.
Unless you're defending your right to exist and thrive
and some would say: chances are, he'll try to do it again..
That this person is obviously fargone in the mind and doesn't deserve to live
or at least not a free life... I don't know but I do know, that money shouldn't effect the matter by any means..
especially not police who are in on child trafficking
Who allow people to have the audacity in making statements like they should be able to fuck children..
Let's take their shit...
Quiet child molesters... We don't know what to do about you
though boisterous proponents... We're 100% taking your shit and if you try to fight back, you're lives.
We just need a big enough gang that can storm a house and be able to fight the cops if we have to...
While I'd just recommend that they turn the other way... Like they're obviously known to do so well.
Maybe we can even throw them some pussy, I hear they like pussy.
& I wouldn't know how to go about doing such things,
I feel because I haven't other people have taken my place
and used it to humiliate and spread the enjoyment of degradation.
Though they've taken it to far, for fucking with the kids.
Then....
Those in college, were taught that depopulation is a curriculum
that the world cannot sustain so many people and the idiots are making a bunch of kids they can't afford
yada yada yada... I'm not going into this claim... I know most people are only looking for a better way
but they looks to their left and they look to their right and make their decisions..
Bill Gates, open defenders of depopulation and the great reset
we're taking you're shit, literally this time...
we're taking that pedo money and investing it in aircrafts and all the shit we need to storm your compounds...
You might as well just give us your money now and save everyone the trouble.
You're killers, whether you're slowly killing people, hoping to profit off their diseases
or blatantly hooking up people to respirators for subsidy money
even forcing people to take medication that allows them to make a profit with no liabiity for their product.
& the best part about that is it's only like 12 people we have to take from
police, you look thataway and we'll give you 15 million
I hear you like money & these guys are blatantly scum bags...
Plus If you have the wealth of these 12 people, you now own the U.S. government
I'm not saying if you're rich you're a bad person, for doing what was expected of you, to leave any wealth you've accumulated for your children like you were supposed to.
It should really be taken on a case by case basis but people who are openly spraying shit in the air to kill birds & bees & cows etc.
People happy to find ways that help us depopulate...
and we're going to take the army that was used to force people into being trafficked
and we're going to to have non stop missions rescuing American victims of human trafficking.
Everything that the police turned a blind eye to... Is in the archives... Where the little girl was taken
what country, who did the taking... Once we obtain that information...We're going to send elite special forces to get back our people
then we're going to eliminate STD's
and then we're going to make peace on Earth.
So yeah I'm trying to get a gang together that's big enough